Vampires of Bergen County, NJ

Last night I dreamt that I was going through a flea market/garage sale at a huge mansion. At first I was finding all kinds of cute baby things. And then I realized I didn't really need those anymore. Then I was finding all kinds of toys that I had when I was a pre-teen. Barbie type stuff. But I realized that my daughter wasn't ready for that and we move around so much, I can't buy it and hold it for several years.

Then I found some pill cases. All kinds of pill cases. Days of the week. Hours of the day. Weeks of the month. You get it. I started to panic. So I went into another room. This room was filled with DVDs. I started pawing through them and realized they were all horror movies. Now, I hate horror movies. I am a big ole' wimp when it comes to gore and blood and heads being sawed off, etc. And then my dream turned into one.

Suddenly I am being chased from room to room by these vampires screeching at me and I couldn't figure out what they were saying. In every room someone was being chewed up, but no one had faces. They looked like hair on bowling balls. And suddenly I understood what they were screaming. "Call your mother!" What? "Call your mother! They won't get you if you talked to your mother today!"
Jewish Mother Vampires? Now I've heard of everything.

As humorous as it sounds now, twelve hours later, when I woke up I was frozen with fear. You know the feeling. Logically, with adult reasoning, you know there is no vampire standing at the foot of your bed, or in the doorway to your bathroom (and being the Jewish Mother type, wondering when the last time you cleaned said bathroom) but it takes you minutes to calm down enough to turn around. Right? And then it takes a few more minutes to get your heart calm enough to go back to sleep. Frozen with fear, but heart pounding.

And that my friends, is how I am feeling all of the time with the reduction in my meds. I am frozen with fear. I can't get beyond the fourth reduction. I am so scared of the pain that I may feel if I take another pill out of the equation, I just can't do it! I know I have to.

But I can't turn around and face my demons. I just keep running and denying it all. And no, I haven't talked to my mother today. I have, however, talked to my Dad and my sister. And that counts, right?