When you find someone you love, you give it them a try, see if they are the right fit, and hope for no annoying bumps and a decent return policy.
Recently, my fifth grader has found "love." I knew he thought a girl at school was "nice" (code for "crush" in fifth grade, I suppose) but yesterday, we found out how much he thought of her. We were working on homework (remember onomatopoeia's?) and our phone rang. It was HER! He stared at the phone - frozen. I told him to answer it. Probably not the best Mom-move given what happened next.
"Hello."
"Hello. Is this C?" a male voice said. My son's eyes bugged out and he dropped the phone. The voice was this girl's FATHER. I whispered, "Pick up the phone and say 'yes sir!' " Which he did.
"Well," the father continued, "This is (insert cute girl's name here) Dad. Can I speak to your better half?"
Now, even I got confused at that. Who is C's better half? His sister? Umm...no. His brother? Probably not. His dog? So I whispered again, "Say, 'My Mom or Dad?' " all the while he was turning bright red and starting to sweat. The father asked to speak with my husband.
We ran outside to get my husband who was mowing the lawn. You can imagine that scene. When he mows the lawn, he is in a trance. Must keep mowing, must keep mowing. He sees nothing but the long blades of grass he must demolish. He hears nothing but the roar of the mower. Even when I'm frantically doing hurkies and waving my arms around screaming his name - he is oblivious.
When he finally noticed us, he grabbed the phone. Turns out my little Lothario had given the cute girl a note at school expressing his love to her (To quote, "I love you. I know that seems weird, but it's true. Here is my phone number.")
Now, as the mother of an eleven year old boy, I thought it was sweet. Apparently, to the father of the girl, it wasn't.
He proceeded to tell my husband about the note, saying that he didn't think them calling each other was appropriate but they could chat on the computer. Which baffles me on so many levels. First, why call the parent? Why not just tell the girl, "You aren't old enough to call boys. Let him know that at school tomorrow." Why call us? To embarrass my son? Well, he got that right, if that was his intention. My son was HORRIFIED. He ran into the house and barricaded himself in a closet, refusing to come out. His first act of love and he was shot down, called out and crucified. I mean, the FATHER of the girl he "loved" called the house to talk to his parents. It wasn't like he asked her to marry him.
The second thing is, why would he be comfortable with them messaging each other on a computer, with no parental observations -- but a phone call is no bueno? That doesn't make sense to me. We can't monitor what they are saying to each other via messaging. Admittedly, they are smarter than us when it comes to technology. They could delete things that were said. They could...oh I could go on. But a phone call? I can physically hear that. I can listen in on another line if I chose to. To each their own, but this I don't understand on any level. Plus, knowing my son and the age he is, the only thing he'll want to talk about is Minecraft anyway.
I remember my first crush in fifth grade. I did call him. He called me. The calls lasted maybe five minutes. I remember I had to work up the courage to call him. Not because I was scared to talk to HIM, but because of the speech I HAD to say upon the insistence of my parents, when someone answered: "Hi , this is Eileen L. May I speak with R if he is available please?" After I got through that fifteen minute tongue twister (which I rehearsed 17 times before punching in his number on the desk phone in the kitchen. No cordless phones then. I was bound to the kitchen by a wire stuck to the wall. My mother hovered - or maybe she was just making dinner) Anyway, R would get on the phone and it would go something like this:
"Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you doing?"
"Um, playing Asteroids"
"Oh."
Titillating, right? And the only time my parents "got involved" was when he gave me a pair of earrings for Christmas a month later confessing that he had stolen them from his sister. Which I thought was very nice of him to think of *me* as he passed by her dresser where I imagined the earrings lay. My mother didn't think it was nice to receive stolen property for Christmas, so I gave them back...but I had to include a Thank You card. (Thank you for the stolen earrings, your sister has nice taste.)
My parents didn't call his parents to talk it out. To determine what boundaries our fifth grade love had to be guided through. To embarrass the hell out of us.
My son's first love stomped on by my son's first rival. The Father.
Oh what a rough road love is. I just hope he doesn't give up on it. He may give up on her...which is fine. I think I had a crush on 13 different boys in the fifth grade alone (sorry R, but it's true,) so I'm sure he will move on any day now. My heart aches for him, for this embarrassment. (Though he seemed fine this morning - I wonder if boys are really pre-programmed to "get over" things so easily?! I was up half the night pondering all of what occurred!)
And so I want to say to my son: Life is bumpy kid...just push on through. And if someone embarrasses you, just tell them to stuff a sock in it. And then send a Thank You card.
