I can go up. Into a tree.
I noticed the browning of one my eight white pine trees that were planted in my back yard a few months back. We have not had luck with trees in this particular house. We've managed to kill 11 of them so far. We've planted, un-planted, planted again. It's tiring. This time we were convinced we were going to do this right! We weren't going to let anything take these beautiful, tall "neighbor blockers" away. So, when I noticed the burnt orange of some of the branches, I shuddered.
Being the only adult in the house right now, I grabbed gloves, a ladder and pruning shears and went to inspect. Up, up, up into the trees. (Have I mentioned these are tall trees?) I had to pick bag worms (shudder). I had to dodge wasps (ack!). I had to keep from falling off the ladder and stabbing myself with the pruning shears. I could hear faint laughter from neighbors viewing what must have looked like a ridiculous sight.
You see, I am not a nature person. Sure, I like beautiful scenery -- from a car. I love the beach, the ocean (as long as there are no jelly fish or green flies.) The idea of sitting under a large shady elm tree having a picnic sounds delightful...until I get there and am besieged by ants and bees and itchy things. A hike? A hike sounds wonderful. Until I am climbing up a mountain and fearing for my life once I notice bear scat. (my sister in law can attest to this)
This week I've had my share of nature. Checking for ticks on my son's head every night he came home from camp. Killing spiders because the kids won't go downstairs into the TV room (thus giving me peace and quiet for a minute) unless the room is void of any spidery looking things. (Have I mentioned how much I despise spiders?) Our pet frog floating at the top of his aquarium. I actually yelled at it: "Chocolate!" I said (yes, that his name), "Chocolate, you better not die this week. Not this week! I WILL put a rock on you and hold you down!" I must have scared Chocolate, because he is now at the bottom of his aquarium...where I am blissfully ignoring the fact that he may or may not be "well". He's fine. The end.
I had to go back up into the trees last night before the big storms came (tornado watch), so I could try to get the bag worms that I couldn't reach earlier in the day. My kids decided to follow me -- one, because they were scared that a tornado would come and I wouldn't be able to see it coming, and two, because they've never seen Mommy climb up into a tree before. Fun for all!
And on this, my last attempt, I did not get the bag worms. What I got was a ticked off bird who literally flew out at me, squawking and flapping and scaring the bejeezus out of me. I fell back...as did my kids (from laughter). It is now a story that will be told for many a days to come, I am sure.
As I trudged back into the house, I noticed little trails in the grass, weaving around the yard. I tried to follow them circling round and round, (again, neighbors shaking their heads in wonderment, I am sure) until they lead me to our patio. Where I found hole upon hole under the concrete. Moles? Mice? Snakes? Oh Good Lord. Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!
I am done with nature. Tornadoes, worms, trees, birds, frogs, ticks, moles?, mice?, snakes? and spiders...I wonder, if Hubby were around, would all of these things be 'happening?' Or is it Mother Nature having a fun go-round with me? I guess I'll find out soon enough. The kids are begging to go camping (in the back yard) this weekend. If you hear screaming, that will be one or all of the kids...because my answer to going camping this weekend is a big, fat NO.
I know my limits and this is it. I can't be super mom and pretend that I enjoy sleeping outside with all those creepy crawly things and ticked off birds. Instead I will bribe the kids with a movie and perhaps a trip to the pool. That's nature vs. nurture. Mother Nature vs. this Mother. This weekend, I win.
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