After a long week of hot weather and camps my kids decided to sleep in the hallway upstairs, side by side, surrounded by stuffed animals and blankets. I stumbled upon them while heading to bed, not bothering to move them back to their rooms...let sleeping children sleep (as long as they aren't in my bed) is my motto! However, when I asked my 7 year old why they decided to do this his reply was "Oh, we wanted to be like the soldiers in WWII...you know sleeping in bunkers." and then he walked away. Huh? Then came his questions.
At 7:10AM I am stumbling around my bathroom trying to brush my teeth, pluck stray hairs and generally trying to be awake when I get: "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Huh? I was a blithering idiot at first, "Well, where YOU think they come from?" and so on. I pretty much told him most of facts, but he got very pale and said he didn't want to hear anymore after I got to the Mommy having to push the baby out of her private parts-- he reminded me a lot of my husband at that moment. (When I told my husband, nearly 9 years ago that I was pregnant, he went white as a ghost, leaned over a chair and said, "We have to call the cops.") Obviously, the men in this family don't take to bodily functions of the female variety very well. Now, start talking about poop and such, they are all over it. Moving on.
Another question: "Mommy what does MIA mean?" This was a day or so before the WWII bunker in my hallway, so I was beginning to wonder where this was all coming from. I explained to him what it means to be MIA at war but that he didn't have to worry about Daddy (I'll do all the worrying here kid!) He didn't let it go at that. I heard him talking about it to his sister who doesn't like talking about Daddy. She replied, "Ummm...do you want to play superstar?" The women in this family apparently have avoidance issues as well.
I came to find out later that at his summer camp they played the movie "Nanny McPhee Returns" (or whatever the title is.) I can't get over the fact they played this movie for a bunch of military kids, some of whom have fathers and mothers deployed right now! If you don't know about this movie, it is about a father who goes to war, during WWII I presume, and is MIA! Nice summer camp....nice. Needless to say, I will be having a discussion with the camp's director. I'm not angry really. The movie fueled some questions for my 7 year old, and that is fine. But then I got this letter on my desk last night (without editing):
Dear Mommy,
I miss daddy so much do you? I feel lik thare is a part of life that is not there. Do you? Well I do. From _____
Oh, it killed me to read that. Why should a 7 year old feel like there is a part of life not there? His life should be right in front of him in all of the glorious kid-like ways! There shouldn't be "parts missing", it should be filled with curiosities of nature, making new friends, feeling the sun on your back, trying to ride your bike with no hands, laughter! Instead he is focused on war, being missing in action and sleeping in bunkers (and somehow having babies fits into this mindset -- though I haven't figured that part out-- did someone have a baby in the movie?)
So how does one explain to a child that MIA won't happen to Daddy when in his eyes, MIA is happening right here at home. Daddy is MIA! Daddy isn't here! I tried to fill his absence before my husband left by providing the pictures, the daddy dolls, the recordable books. But I know nothing fills that part of my son's little seven year old heart that is missing his Daddy. But deployments are just that: a void. One that lasts too long and one that can sometimes be put to the side during a good day, but never forgotten. A looming question mark that punctuates our daily routine. What if? When? How much longer? If I can't grasp it at times, how do I expect my little ones to understand?
And I thought explaining the birds and the bees was going to be hard.
3 comments:
well crap. i was laughing so hard at the thought of casey needing to "call the cops" due to you being pregnant (i never heard that before!) but then reading about c's letter... heartbreaking. the clock is ticking, the days are passing...
whenever i see a flag, i think of you...my husband is not in the military, but his job frequently takes him away from us, me and my three kids, 8,6,4, the most recent being six months of overseas 3 weeks then back 3 weeks (but still working when he is here)...it is a void when he is gone and one i try hard to fill, but really can't...i have a profound respect for military families now, the sacrifice is made by all members, and we are grateful, thank you.
I don't know if this helps after so many months, but we live a totally different situation (Netherlands, anti-militaristic father with office job, serious, my husband gets upset every time someone gives toy weapons to the kids and did not let me buy son 1 first bike at the age of 3 because it had a mimetic dessin on the saddle, mind you). Still my 7 ys older is extremely interested in all things abour II W War, is watching on the website of School TV (we have no TV home, and yes, sometimes it drives me nuts not being able to set them in front of something and survive a bit the afternoon, but hey, principles) a series I supposed if meant for 13 years olders about being 13 during WWII (I mean the part of a kind surviving a bombardment in the cellar with his mom dying in it got me really down, thanks god we watched that one together).
It is an extremely interesting and historically correct series about all facets of life for a kid during the war, and we also have the whole Anne Frank heritage here. but really, I keep hoping it is a phase (and so much could be for your son, you know, just being a boy of 7, not only the son of a military).
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