Rolling

So, it's been a while. A long while. And while I can spout off every reason under the sun why I haven't written in several months, well -- I won't bore you with those details. I will however, bore you with the details of having an 11 year old that is driving me to drink at 9 in the morning. Kidding. Sort of. 

My eldest child has always been -- shall we say -- a bit dramatic. His birth was dramatic, his first six months of life were dramatic, and he's always been one of those kids who can turn on a dime. Going from sweet to a full blown terror in .05 seconds flat. Yet the events that unfolded yesterday STILL caught me off guard. You'd think in the 11 years that I've known this kid, nothing would phase me. But this phase of his life....this phase...oy. 

He'd been "sick" all weekend. Sore throat, fever, etc. I babied him, coddled him, whipped him and his two siblings to the clinic to get a throat culture done. Got him a slushy to cool his aching throat. Let him sit in front of the television or computer for a lot longer than he's usually allowed to. Except for being sick, it was a pretty good weekend for him. 

And then Monday morning hit. He came down in dirty clothes. Not just, "Hey 11 year old, you wore those yesterday and the day before" clothes. Dirty, stained, smelly, (he hasn't quite caught on that he needs to wear deodorant. I haven't quite caught on that I am the mother of someone who needs to wear deodorant. I mean, I still can't decide which deodorant *I* like, let alone finding one *he* likes -- but I digress) and just gross. I told him to change. To which he replied, with the spawn of Satan eyes staring right at me, "YOU didn't do any laundry this weekend, so I have nothing else to wear." and stormed off. 

Uh - say what now?

Well, you can imagine what happens after that. A lot of back and forth while the two younger ones diligently ate their cereal and talked sweetly to one another. You know how it goes. One kid is in 'trouble mode' and the others take full advantage. I never see the other two act so nicely to one another until the older one gets in trouble. It's like they're trying to prove how awful he is by showing me how wonderful they are. I'm onto them... though I must say I enjoy the fake pleasantries immensely. In my heart I think, "THIS! This is how mornings should be! This is how siblings should act!" But in my head I know they're just doing it to piss their brother off. 

He screams, "I HATE YOU!" while looking at me. ME! The one who just took care of him for five days while Daddy was away, let alone the last ELEVEN FREAKING YEARS. So I missed a weekend of laundry. Hate me?! I told him to get in the car and that I didn't want to look at him anymore. Should I have handled it differently? I don't know. 

I am so caught off guard by these emotional roller coaster mood swings by this boy. I was not told that BOYS do this. I was bracing myself for my middle child -- who happens to be a girl. I KNOW she will be moody (God help me) ...but I thought I had time before having to deal with her. What no one told me, what I didn't know...my 11 year old son would behave this way as well.  

Cut to later in the morning when I get a call from my husband. He drives the kids to school since it's on his way to work. Apparently, he got tired of the 11 year old's tantrums that continued in the car as well. So he pulled over and told the 11 year old to "get out unless you straighten up." Well, eldest son didn't feel like straightening up. He felt like getting out...and taking off. Running full speed in the opposite direction of the car. Which then started a maelstrom of screaming and tears from within the car (windows down, thanks to the younger children.) My husband had to CHASE my son to get him back in the car. PEOPLE WERE COMING OUT OF THEIR HOUSES WITH PHONES IN THEIR HANDS! 

I mean....there are no words. I'm sure they thought my husband was trying to kidnap this "poor frightened child" (where in reality, this poor child was acting like the devil incarnate and if they wanted to keep him for the day, I would have gladly gave them permission) PLUS the two screaming banshees in the car. I was horrified FOR my husband. This occurred on a very busy road...I'm sure many people witnessed this absurd and, yes, embarrassing moment in our family's life. 

Somehow, everyone got back into the car, and got to school without the Police getting involved. Thank God. I can only imagine what my mug shot would have been since I hadn't showered and was still in my jammies when this all went down. Knock knock. "Mrs L? You are under arrest for not doing laundry this weekend. No you may not put on clean clothes, come with us." 

When it was time to pick up my sweet angels (cough cough) from school, I got into the six mile car pick up line and waited. Waited like someone waiting in the DMV. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to face the attitude. I didn't want to be told how much I was hated. (I did in fact do laundry earlier that day... I had a guilt free conscience.) 

They all came out...marching to the car. I held my breath. My 7 year old got in first and proclaimed, "Mommy, there was an incident this morning!" I acted like I had no idea what he was talking about. I asked everyone in the car what he was talking about, but their lips were sealed. Sibling bonding I suppose. 

As per usual, later that evening, I got the requisite "Apology Letter" from my oldest. I have about 167 of these to date. In it he states, "I think you and I both know that I don't really hate you." Ah, warms the heart doesn't it? 

This morning was quite different. Different in the way that I brushed my hair and put deodorant on before coming downstairs to get the kids ready. You know...in case the police show up to take me away.