Cricket

Have you ever felt like you have lost complete control of your life? Yesterday I had that feeling and then some. I guess it is normal when you are the only adult in the house and the four, three and one year old are ruling the roost. We had a meltdown in Walgreens. One of those meltdowns that make the entire store (remember, it is Walgreens, not a massive Walmart. Tiny.) stop and see how you, the Mom, are going to handle the situation. I am quite sure I did everything wrong. It all started because the three year old wanted toothpaste with Dora on it. The four year old wanted the watermelon one. And stupid Mommy tried to give a lesson in being a smart consumer. The conversation went something like this:

"I want the Dora one!" said the whiney three year old.
"I want the watermelon one!" said the whiney four year old.
"But look, the bubble gum one is less money and more toothpaste! Let's buy this one!" whined the twenty-eight year old Mommy. (It's my blog, I can fib a little)

"NO! DORA!" yelled the three year old.
"NO! WATERMELON!" yelled the four year old.
"No, bubblegum," said the very calm, nurturing young mother. (again, my blog)

"DORA!!!" screamed the three year old.
"WATERMELON!!" screamed the four year old.
"Bubblegum my sweet children," sang the beautiful, skinny mother. (what?)
"Hi!" said the one year old.

At this point I realized how ridiculous we all sounded and I took all of the tubes of toothpaste and threw them on the shelf. I grabbed one and headed for the check out. Which prompted an even bigger tantrum from the three year old. I had grabbed the watermelon one.

I just knew everyone was thinking what a horrible mother I was. I could read their minds. Don't people know about birth control? and I would never let my kids act that way.

We finally made it to the checkout. The four and three year old were both crying now. The young clerk rang me up quicker than anyone has ever done. I felt like grabbing the intercom phone and saying, "I am all alone in this! You try to do it better!" But I didn't. Instead I hustled everyone into the car and ignored every plea for every children's song or audio book. I just ignored them. And miraculously, they all fell asleep for the ride home. I had a few minutes of peace and quiet.

And then the evening. I thought I was being a strong, take no prisoners mommy. I had found a cricket under my bed (ewwww...show no fear, show no fear) and because my four year old was with me, I had to remain calm. I quickly got a bag and tried to make it bounce into it, but my four year old started crying hysterically when the cricket jumped towards him. So I put the bag over the cricket and tied it up. My son is still crying and my daughter is now asking to see the cricket, where is the cricket?, where is the cricket? (over and over and over while clinging to my leg)

As I am dragging both kids and the bagged cricket over to the back door, I walk into the kitchen to see the one year old has found a new ability:

"Hi" he said.