So I met with the neurologist again last week. She gave me a bunch of new and exciting ways to take my meds so that I could possibly go a while longer before I had to succumb to surgery. But first I joined the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association. And they sent me a plethora of information some of which struck me as being so out of my realm of being; and yet I am one of them now. In fact, that very sentence was one of their topics. The stages of learning you have this rare disorder. (hey...I've been wondering what to call it, and now I know. A rare disorder everyone! Can I get that Medium rare?)
The first stage to finding out about this condition --oops! I mean disorder! -- is denial. Yeah. I can say I am in complete denial. I keep waiting for the doctor to find something like a really deep cavity and be like: oh my God! All you have to do is pull that tooth and you are good to go! So sorry! And speaking of that, I am going to meet with an Oral Surgeon on Monday. Because, as if my head isn't going through enough....I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled!!! Hurrah! I honestly keep thinking this is it....this is when they will fix it. My tooth will come out and all will be better. Yeah....back to the whole denial thing.
The papers from the Association basically goes through what we all know as the steps of dying (though, luckily, this won't kill me! hurrah!! this will only hurt like a bitch the rest of my life!!!). Acceptance is the final stage. "Finding your new normal" because, like me, most people just want their old life back. The life they had before they started hurting. I remember the day I started to hurt. We were at Lowe's. Just a normal day. And ever since then, I begged God to give me the day before that day over and over again. I am not ready to start my "new normal." I want my old normal. I like it here in denial stage. I am too much of a fighter to get to "new normal" stage.
The papers from the Association basically goes through what we all know as the steps of dying (though, luckily, this won't kill me! hurrah!! this will only hurt like a bitch the rest of my life!!!). Acceptance is the final stage. "Finding your new normal" because, like me, most people just want their old life back. The life they had before they started hurting. I remember the day I started to hurt. We were at Lowe's. Just a normal day. And ever since then, I begged God to give me the day before that day over and over again. I am not ready to start my "new normal." I want my old normal. I like it here in denial stage. I am too much of a fighter to get to "new normal" stage.
With that said....I am going to meet with the surgeon next month. I am hoping he can tell me more about the radiation therapy and the MVD surgery (the cutting my skull open surgery.) I am hoping that either the Oral Surgeon, the Neurosurgeon or the Surgeon General (had to throw that in there) can tell me SOMETHING! Throw me a bone here guys. Just something to hang onto. I will be sitting here in stage one. I will be the one holding the Lowe's bag waiting for a cure.
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