And the Award Goes To:

Last night was horrible. The pain started at 5pm and didn't leave until midnight or so. I tied an ace bandage around my head with an ice pack jammed into the left side of my face for some minimal relief. I couldn't even say goodnight to my kids. Conor was calling for me and I couldn't even go upstairs and talk to him.

I want to know why. Why did this happen? I am so tired of it. It has been four months of chronic pain. And every article or journal or medical website basically says: try these four or five things and if they don't work....sorry.

So in the midst of my pain I watched--through squinty eyes--the Oscars. There is nothing more that can get you fired up than watching the Oscars while you are doubled over in pain with an ace bandage tied to your head. Yes, yes...you all are wonderful playing cops and oil tycoons and queens. You all look so lovely. What a wonderful life you all have.

Me?

Oh, I like dressing up and playacting. I act like my husband isn't going to war. I act like I don't have a crazy disease that no one seems to know how to fix 100%. I act like I still have plenty of time to lose the baby weight. (Never mind that the baby is 10 months old now). I act like I don't feel horrible about asking my friend, whose husband has been gone for six months and who has three small kids, if she can pick up my children from school because I can't drive anymore.

Shall I go on? No? You have a party to go to?

Eventually I turn the televsion off. I don't want to watch the beautiful people anymore. I have to change my icepack. It has turned to slush and my thoughts have literally been squeezed out of my mind.

I truly hope tonight fares better. If only there were another awards show on.