Today was a day of small happenings. Our world, meaning me and the kids, got enclosed. After my sister left I sat at the kitchen table thinking about how much our daily lives have changed in a matter of 72 hours.
Little things like pulling into the driveway and seeing his Jeep and forgetting for the tiniest of minutes that he isn't here. Or opening a cabinet and seeing his favorite chips. Getting the mail and seeing his magazines. The last bit of laundry with his clothing still clinging to mine. (I was thinking of keeping one item in the laundry basket just to have it appear every other day...) Having the baby on my hip-- him in a onesie covered in yellow slime droppings of sweet potato and corn-- and lugging the garbage can out to the curb.
But the worst little moments come from the kids. Sudden bursts of sheer sadness -- me thinking they have a wound of some sort -- them sobbing, "I miss Daddy" I am so caught off guard by these that I stumble for the right words. Or hearing them upstairs yell out "Daddy!" when I open the garage door and the alarm beeps (His usual entering spot after work)...no guys just me, coming in from garbage duty.
So we have made it through a couple of days. Only a few months to go. I am already babied out, I am already done with trying to cook for such picky people. I am already so tired of changing the sheets on the crib.
I am already done trying to explain to the three and four year old that he isn't coming back for a while. So instead I try to fill their little heads with other little thoughts, while mine is always thinking of him.
A New Home
4 years ago
1 comment:
Eye, I didn't know you were blogging again! I'm glad I checked.
Things are really upside down for you right now and a lot has been thrown at you all at once, but you will get through this, Eileen, you know you will. Heck, you've got the blood of Grandma Ray and Mema running through your veins, giving up is not an option!
I think of you every day and wish I had some sage piece of wisdom to share, some advice that will lift your spirits and let you see that all of this is but a blip in time which will pass before you know it. Suffice it to say, you are one tough broad, you've proven that time and time again. But... everyone needs a break, hits their limit, so to speak. Nashville's only a short plane ride away, say the word and I'm there!
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